I'm So Excited!!!!

MAXWELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whats It About?

I was in church this past Sunday and during the service the pastor called for couples to come up to the alter if they wanted prayer. So as I stood up and hummed and rocked and spectated, I noticed one couple in which the smaller of the two held on to his boyfriend's waist in an emotional embrace as the boyfriend's head was being held by the minister while they stood there in prayer. I was taken aback in such wow that I still can't put my feelings into many words. It was a sight that birthed watery eyes for me. Just so amazing to me to see a same sex couple being able to love and embrace and be in love with God under acceptance and inclusion.

Anyhow, I tell that story to say I want that. I want that and so do many of y'all even if you wont admit it. I want a partner that I can be at church with living and loving and praying and being imperfect and flawed and growing into each other...you get the point. See, many of us have been through so much in this "game" of dating that we have become bitter, cold, jaded, aloof, and hurt filled. We have grown such a hard shell that anyone who tries to come into our space can barely get a finger near us before it's been chopped off. We have turned all the hurt into criticism and judgement and imaginary "red flags" that we can't see anything that's really in front of us except for the perception that we've created in our heart damaged mind. We use everything as a cop out of the dating situation so we won't have to deal with any of the twists, turns, and flips that comes with trying to be in a relationship. We will use each other for sex and other gratifications and pretend that we don't want anything more just so we don't go through any of the same aches that we've been through most likely more than a couple times. Notice I say we because I don't exclude myself. ( I know some people are angry at me right now. Go on, cuss me out and let me have it. I won't even get mad, I promise.) The rest of us have now prepared ourselves to possibly be alone for the rest of our lives. We will create comfort and a love for ourselves that no one can penetrate. We will create our lifestyle in this independent way just so we are prepared to be alone forever. This is a great thing, loving ourselves, because we should. However, it is a natural feeling to want a partner that could be yours forever. It is natural to want a family in whatever form that may be.
So...well I don't have any answer or resolution to any of this. Hell, like I said, I'm single and guilty like some of y'all are. I may have just wrote this just so I can ramble in my own faulty sigh pool. Hmmmm...but I will say that I am willing to try and not give up on wanting something as amazing as I saw at church.

Sho Nuff

I haven't done this in a long time.

• One of my friends once wrote about how he uses the name of the person he's dating as his passwords for work or such. I also do this and it seems as though everytime the time comes to change my passwords, the names have changed. Good for password changing ideas, but hmmm...Aint that somethin? Do any of you do this also?


• Speaking of...me and BD are no longer seeing each other. Yeah I know right...ehhh what are you gonna do ( shrugging shoulders) sometimes things don't work out as much as you would want them to. * And if you want to know how I REALLY feel about it, get at me after the post* LoL I'm playin...maybe.


• Is it just me, or has Lil Kim somehow transformed into Latoya Jackson? Can we get our Lil Kim back from the Hardcore album? I just see a european billionaire in her future and I don't know how I feel about that.


• I am really enjoying that new reality series Taking The Stage on MTV.


• What the hell is "hunchin" ? Is that just a southern way of saying " humping" or is it completely different?


• Y'all think if I write to T.I. while he's in jail, that he'll write me back?


• What you gon do with Kanye? Can't say he's not somewhat original....
• What are your plans for Memorial Day? Sizzle in Miami? The brothers in Cancun? A private getaway with a handful of friends in The Grenadines? We got about two months to transform into our new hot bodies. Stay away from damn Chipotle!!
• This panhandler the other day asked me for $20. WTF is going on?!?!?
• Is it ok to be a gay man that enjoys chivalry without being treated like a lady? You know what I mean?
• Apparently America has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancies in the world. Those billions of dollars the Bush Administration spent on abstinence teachings were really useful huh?
• I was listening to Erykah Badu's live cd the other day and the line from Certainly, " Nobody gave you permission to rearrange me." really jumped out at me. Mmmmmmm.