Whats It About?

I was in church this past Sunday and during the service the pastor called for couples to come up to the alter if they wanted prayer. So as I stood up and hummed and rocked and spectated, I noticed one couple in which the smaller of the two held on to his boyfriend's waist in an emotional embrace as the boyfriend's head was being held by the minister while they stood there in prayer. I was taken aback in such wow that I still can't put my feelings into many words. It was a sight that birthed watery eyes for me. Just so amazing to me to see a same sex couple being able to love and embrace and be in love with God under acceptance and inclusion.

Anyhow, I tell that story to say I want that. I want that and so do many of y'all even if you wont admit it. I want a partner that I can be at church with living and loving and praying and being imperfect and flawed and growing into each other...you get the point. See, many of us have been through so much in this "game" of dating that we have become bitter, cold, jaded, aloof, and hurt filled. We have grown such a hard shell that anyone who tries to come into our space can barely get a finger near us before it's been chopped off. We have turned all the hurt into criticism and judgement and imaginary "red flags" that we can't see anything that's really in front of us except for the perception that we've created in our heart damaged mind. We use everything as a cop out of the dating situation so we won't have to deal with any of the twists, turns, and flips that comes with trying to be in a relationship. We will use each other for sex and other gratifications and pretend that we don't want anything more just so we don't go through any of the same aches that we've been through most likely more than a couple times. Notice I say we because I don't exclude myself. ( I know some people are angry at me right now. Go on, cuss me out and let me have it. I won't even get mad, I promise.) The rest of us have now prepared ourselves to possibly be alone for the rest of our lives. We will create comfort and a love for ourselves that no one can penetrate. We will create our lifestyle in this independent way just so we are prepared to be alone forever. This is a great thing, loving ourselves, because we should. However, it is a natural feeling to want a partner that could be yours forever. It is natural to want a family in whatever form that may be.
So...well I don't have any answer or resolution to any of this. Hell, like I said, I'm single and guilty like some of y'all are. I may have just wrote this just so I can ramble in my own faulty sigh pool. Hmmmm...but I will say that I am willing to try and not give up on wanting something as amazing as I saw at church.