It's the holiday season. It's getting colder outside. Most of us would love to come home to a warm body in our beds. Alot of us want to keep him/her there even after the season passes. So us single folk may be on a quest to find that perfect partner before it gets too cold and we get too depressed, eventually warming ourselves with Hennessy, Bacardi, and Grey Goose instead of that body. Well, obviously the problem is that the perfect partner we look for, doesn't exist. We know that, yet we still look. Often we find someone almost perfect, but with a few drawbacks. My question to you all is how much do we want to sacrifice or compromise with in order to keep things working?
Ok this is what I mean. Let's say you meet a guy who's gorgeous, has a great career, and is brilliant, but he's boring as all hell, emotionless, and if it isn't on CNN, then he knows nothing about it...Or you meet someone that's gorgeous, treats you like royalty,will do anything for you, but to people outside of you he can be considered rude and/or an asshole...Or you meet someone that's gorgeous, is alot of fun, passionate and a sexual master, but is very unstable, he's inconsistent, and he doesn't work but always has overflowing amounts of money...Can it all be worked out? We know that we shouldn't change anybody. We also know that everyone has issues. ( Hell, I know my own spoiled, smart ass mouth is alot to handle.) However, how much do we want to compromise with? Is it as easy as a Pro/Con list? If the good outweighs the bad then we keep at it? I don't know about that. If he's willing to work on his flaws and you both work together will that make a difference? Or is that the birth of resentment issues? Maybe we should just leave it all alone and ignore the "cons" then let the relationship play out however it needs to. No? Well, I have no more ideas. Y'all tell me what y'all think.
Today's Track: " Me, Myself and I" The Beyonce Experience
You're right, we will never find someone that is perfect. We have to find the person with the most manageable issues. I do think we should have general requirements. i.e. You must have a job!
ReplyDeleteone of the most important things to me is knowing what cannot be compromised.
ReplyDeleteEverybody knows deep inside what they need but sometimes... well... people want to act as if they didn't know because it seems easier... crossing fingers, hoping what they have right now will work out... it won't !
Boy is this post on point.
ReplyDeleteI met a guy - three weeks ago. We've hung out about 8 or 9 times since we first met. We went out with friends and we were introduced and interacted as a couple. That's hot. I can dig that. But, I was noticing this morning (he slept over) that um, he's a little bit more fem than what I normally go for. He was kinda bouncing and popping a bit - and well, at 6'4 and dayum near 300 pounds...yea, you see my point. But, he's cute, has a great job, and has his priorities in order...decisions, decisions, decisions.
I don't think that there is a black and white answer for this. I agree that we should not try to change people, but I think that we should let them know what we need in a relationship, and they should do the same. I don't believe in going into a relationship with a "I will tolerate" mindset, as it means that I am settling for less than I want. I think that when's it's right, his snoring, or his chewing with his mouth open or his fasination with the Discovery Channel become not all that important. There's not need in forcing a square peg into a round hole. If it real, you know it and it works.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say "sacrifice or compromise", it says alot about how you view being in a relationship. No one is perfect. Our flaws is what makes us human. If someone has all the quilities that you are looking for but you don't like the shoes he wears shows that you have commitment problems you need to face and deal with yourself. Let's turn this around and say that you have all the quilities that a guy likes but he can't be with you because he don't like watching videos on BET. Yea there are things that we can over look and let go. That's if you want to be the that person. The things that intrest you is what makes you, you. The question you should ask is, "Can I accept him for who he is?"
ReplyDeleteGood questions...
ReplyDeleteIf I met a hot guy who had some other issues, I'd have to see how annoying those issues were. Compromise is key to any successful relationship. It's just tough as hell for me to do.
You said it yourself that the perfect partner doesn't exist. Doesn't that mean that in all of our relationships, we have compromised and tolerated things that we didn't want to? I mean no one is perfect, right?
ReplyDeleteI honestly believe that you can make any situation work as long as you want it to work. The only catch is that the other party has to work with you. That's the challenge.
I know that I am LATE AS HELL on this post, but I think that you have to have a list of things that are important to you in a relationship. As long as those needs are met the majority of the time everything else is circumstantial and should be dealt with accordingly.
ReplyDeleteI have my top 3. Sex, Security and Communication. When all three are right and in order I am happiest with my relationship...
What are the things that are MOST IMPORTANT to you?