Quicky

I used to tease
I was agile
Feline
leaving a trail of climaxes
in hyper bliss
breath taking and ticklish
I call him Fever
He makes me sweat
Fucks me Red
in hip hop lyricism
strokes me like an island Mojito
He holds me on orgasmic endowment
pumps full of Nina Simone soul
and "Rocket Love" groove

drunk and erected

he melted all over me.

Genevieve

So like many of you, I thoroughly enjoy the entertainment industry. I more enjoy the machine aspect of it and the devilish claims of what goes into creating superstars and what some of us will never know. We've all heard the behind the scenes stories about the mansion parties and such. Anyhow, I wrote this on the train one day. Enjoy:

She walked into the townhouse with a delightful inner smile. D. Gemstone’s single had just reached number one on Billboard’s Hip Hop and R&B charts and his video was among the top five on ITunes. Her new pet project was turning platinum at the blink of an extended eyelash. Genevieve Barrows was CEO of Isabella Records, one of the industries premiere record companies. The company, named after her paternal great grandmother, was passed to her about ten years ago. Her father, Errol Chadwick Barrows lost a terrible battle with cancer during the time and placed his burgeoning company in her manicured finger tips. Since, Genevieve had turned the company into a blossoming force of music business. Through her hands on approach, artists had produced record smashing hits. During her decade of reign, she’d become a media darling, socialite, and style icon. High fashion fell off of the woman as if she were a hanger while she floated through rooms with the grace of a gazelle.
Genevieve walked through to her master bathroom where she was greeted by her newest beau, actor-singer Sould McArliss in a deep bathtub piled with confectious bubbles. She stepped out of her Louboutins and removed her simple St. John sheath and climbed into the tub and his massaging arms. The two met over a year ago at an exclusive industry event. Genevieve was as aggressive as any man and often tossed men out her bed with the same nonchalance as nose blown tissue. This one however, had lasted longer than most. She recollected her day and delight with him while he listened and eased the day from her body. His rubbing hands put her in such a mood, she decided that he deserved a treat, and told him so.
“Go and prepare. I’ll be there in a second, “She told him and watched him hop up from the tub, his semi erection bobbing, as he scurried giddily into the bedroom. Gen then took time to rinse the bubbles off her body. She then stepped out of the tub and walked into her dressing salon. Reaching into one of her drawers, she retrieved a chrome colored strap on. People have often whispered that she was so cocksure at times, she must have a dick. They had no idea. Walking into the bedroom she noticed Sould on the bed, his legs spread receiving two of his own lubed fingers. Genevieve smiled and spoke, “No. Over here.” She sat on a chaise in the corner of the room. “Sit on it.”

Perhaps

So it is 1:15am Monday morning before sunlight. I've lit a gingerbread candle and sucked the Coconut Bacardi taste from an ice cube. VH1 Soul is feeding my soul indeed. Secretly...I feel some kind of way. But...:

• I've realized some time ago that I don't blog as much only because perhaps I've said just about all that I've needed to say in this chapter of life. The things I've learned and/or become aware of are what I've already written about. As I read and find other blogs, I see that some of them are now learning these same things. It's a cycle of growth...
• So I'm very anxious to see the movie Precious based upon Sapphire's "Push". I can remember reading the book while in highschool and having such a wowed reaction to it. Maybe thats why I was so grown as a teenager.
• When you continue to gain multiple dissapointment within your dating life, how do you deal? Bury your feelings? Indulge more in friends and family? Find your way through a bottle of Patron/Moscato/Nuvo/Hennessy/Bacardi/Remy Martin/Veuve ? Say fuck it all, and disconnect?
• I find it interesting that with all that's been going on with Morehouse College and other education institutions in that area, that no one discusses that the neighborhoods in which these campuses are located are terrible and maybe this has something to do with the crime there.
• Speaking about Morehouse, this new "dress code". Boooo.
• I attended and participated in AIDSWalk Atlanta this weekend. I'm very glad I did. Such a rewarding experience.
• I went on a date some weeks ago. During the date, I learned that this young man was a Kappa ( rollseyes). So we talked about how or possibly why it has been that the majority of the men I've dated in my four years living here have been Kappas. Dude said, " Kappas like boys like you." What are boys like me? I haven't had a chance to ask him.
• Why is everyone a singer/actor/model/photographer/dancer/songwriter/choreagrapher? No one wants to be a firefighter anymore?
• What are you gonna be for Halloween?

Coming Out-Repost

Sunday was National Coming Out Day so I decided to repost my own coming out story...sorry I'm a bit late. Enjoy...

Originally posted on June 15 2005


Reliving the Past

So today as I was going through some of my things deciding what to pack, ship, sell, and throw away, I came across some of my old journals. So of course I had to take a break, grab a glass of orange pineapple juice, and relive some of my life. It was really interesting to see the language I would speak and how I wrote. It was also interesting to read my growth as a person from crushing on girls, worrying about my looks to becoming a full out gay. Reading about the boys that put me through it while in highschool (including a certain young man from New Haven that was very much in the closet, but seemingly smitten by my beauty who mysteriously dissappeared one day to reappear with a new identity, new body, and a now as I see him these days, a newfound comfort in his sexuality), the fun I had in The Looking In Theater group, my first curlykit, my first NYC Club (Twilo), my first Latex Ball,my first eyebrow snatching, my first break up, my firsts.

One of the most significant entries was the day that I came out. Well, the day I was outed. The entry was a very small one as I probably couldn't bare to express all of what I was feeling. Ok so I'm gonna relive that day with you all now. Here we go.

It was a Sunday, September, my senior year of highschool 1997. I had just came in from church with my mother. I didn't usually go to church but this was my punishment for going out the night before. My mother had gone to the store to buy a pepsi and my aunt called. I answered the phone and my aunt said to me, "Hi". I replied the same. She then asked me about the message I left on my mother's answering machine the evening before which stated, " I'm leaving, Bye." ( You see, the day before me and moms had got into an argument and I wasn't supposed to leave the house, but I did anyhow and left that on the machine.) I said yeah that's what I left on the machine and my aunt said, " Ok. Well I'm coming over." In about ten minutes all of my aunts arrived. Since I like spending time with family I didn't think anything of it, but I could sense there was something else going on.

They asked me to sit down and Aunt W began asking me questions. She said, " We came to talk to you. I know that you are living a certain lifestyle which is gay. Right? ( I nodded, while Aunt P sat by me and began to rub my back) I know that you are scared to tell your mother, right? ( I nodded again) Well she needs to know and we are gonna tell her today. She's not gonna kick you out she's gonna love you. But, this lifestyle is not of God and we must pray about it. OK? " "Ok," I replied although I was terrified. Just then my mother came into the house and I was asked to go to my room. While in my room I got on 3way with friends to tell them what was about to go down and we were all trembling.

When I was called back into the living area, my mother was sitting at the table. I was trying to read her face , but it was blank. Aunt W then said we were going to pray now. We all gathered hands as the prayer was asked to rebuke Satan and rebuke the gay demons from the house and from my spirit. While all the Yes Lords and Please Jesus' swam across the room from every direction, I just stood there probably in shock. When everyone echoed their amens, they all ( including my godmother who had arrived for dinner) hugged me, my mother now with tears in her eyes, as Aunt W went about the house anointing it with oil and dabbing a drop on my forehead. Then as quick as it all happened, it all was done and my aunts were gone.

I had no idea what to feel. I was annoyed. I was relieved. I was sad. I was angry. I was confused. I didn't know what I was supposed to do then. Why had that happened? Why did they decide to do that on that day? Did my message on the answering machine trigger some concern that I would maybe decide to runaway from home? It was never talked about again since that day. The oil and the rebuking continued for about two weeks after that as a morning ritual with my mother, but never any real discussion. I tried to make light of the situation although a pimple grew in that oiled spot that had me very annoyed. I joked about it to my then boyfriend, telling him I may be straight soon, so he had better enjoy our time together. However, it wasn't a joking matter. I mean I can laugh at the ridiculousness of it all now, but at that time, it was very tragic.

So there you have it. It's interesting to be able to go back and relive the experiences that have made me the person who I am today. Like Faith Evans: "If I had to do it all again, I wouldn't take away the rain because I know it made me who I am. "

Bad Habits

The Inspiration:



...Candles affected a hazy glow across the room. I stood at the foot of the bed in an intoxicated way. There was something about him that generated more than magnetism. I had a hunger. A lips licking hunger. A tongue wagging hunger. I could never explain it. He layed on the bed taut, agile, ripe wearing barely nothing as I prepared to join him. There was music playing, something late night R&B, a grownfolks crooner. There was intense stare in his eyes as he watched me remove my pants and my smirk widened. As I climbed on top of the bed, I could hear my phone vibrating inside my pocket. It was probably the boyfriend telling me he'd landed safely, that he'd call me once he checked in to his hotel. A routine that granted access to this moment. I reached this man's face with my lips, my hands gripping his torso. His taste had become familiar now. I'd licked his Adam's apple more than a fourth time eventhough I said I would stop after the second. His body responded to my hands in the fiery way I loved. This was hell and I couldn't get enough of it. He was a poison, I thought, more than a vice, more than a habit. I heard my phone buzzing again while I removed his Lycra hip cut confection. The boyfriend had gotten in his room safely and would be ordering room service, he would call before bed. I would be available to answer then. Now, however, I spread the thighs in front of me to feast on this addiction...

The Impact

I was just a freshman in highschool, barely fourteen, when I was introduced to my first E Lynn Harris novel. I remember talking to my homegirl and one of her new friends, the two of them talking about some new book that one of them was reading " Invisible Life". The girl couldn't seem to put down the book apparently, this book that seemed to be about a gay man, a gay black man. My thought bubble exclaimed , " WHAT ?!?!?!" I was very intrigued and made a mental note to research this book further and somehow get my hands on it. I had recently become aware of my own sexuality and in effort to get some type of understanding, I had secretly been checking every book out of the library about the subject that I could possibly relate to fiction and nonfiction. I had found some things of interest ,but of course, any relation to me the Mary J Blige, SWV, Xscape, Notorious BIG, Method Man, Rap City, quietstorm R&B, and Dancehall Reggae influenced teenager was a little farfetched. So I searched the library but they didn't have it. Instead, they had " Just As I Am" to which I immediately grabbed and brought home to sink into. Although it was fiction, the book showed me what I had been hoping and praying had existed. Gay black men living, loving, and lusting beyond the stereotypes that I had been exposed to. I was excited beyond belief and somewhat awakened with a new love of self and what I was to become. I became an immediate supporter and have read and owned every novel written plus his memoirs. E Lynn's writing style has influenced my own writing by his colorful choice of descriptives like using Vanilla Wafers as someone's skintone. I personally believe that his writing has impacted a generation of our community as well as brought a movement and an awareness before any such propaganda and frenzy about a " DL phenomenon". E Lynn Harris was a great writer and inspiration to the community. May he Rest In Peace.

Mmhhmm Hi.

• So apparently, Karrine "Superhead" Steffans is back with the third installment of her Vixen series, this one called " The Vixen Manual : How to Find, Seduce and Keep the Man You Want". She is currently married to Darius McCrary whom we all know as Eddie Winslow in Family Matters. Anyhow, I listened to an interview she did with Ed Lover and Free on Power105 the other day as well as this interview she did on The Today Show. On both shows, she expressed the idea that in order to keep a good man, you must let him be a man. Hmmmm...pay attention to the message and not the messenger maybe...? ( How does that notion figure into a relationship with two men? Shut up. )
• How are you all enjoying Maxwell's BLACKsummer's night? Such a breath of fresh air right? The instrumentation is so amazing and so sexyfunky. Ugh I almost cried the first time I listened to the cd...lol...
• How is everyone enjoying their summer? Nice vacays? Hot summer flings? Flirty pool parties? I know...I saw you. How long have you had that tattoo?
• So I went on a date the other day. It was an anniversary of sorts as well as just a second date. I'll explain that sometime later... We had ice cream. I want him to touch me. Here we go again...
• Speaking of flirty, how much do we love that Black/Italian server at Joes on Juniper? Gorgeous features.
• I went to see Harry Potter. Great movie if you're a Harry Potter fan. Malfoy with that platinum hair and black suit is so haute. Was I the only one that noticed a favorable presence of people of color in this installment? The waitress in the beginning, the blk boy that the camera seemed to love, Weasley's (?) sister's little boyfriend....ohhhh we love the british.
• So Justin Timberlake received an Emmy nomination for the Single Ladies SNL sketch. ( shrugs shoulders)
• So I just finished reading Our Kind of People by Lawrence Otis Graham. Very interesting book, most intriguing chapter is about African Americans who left their families to live lives as white people. The book has also helped me to have some type of insight into the airs and mentality of some of the people I've come across. If you remember, recently there was some buzz about "Our Kind of People" and their receiving of the Obamas vacationing in the popular Oak Bluffs of Marthas Vineyard. Click Click Click
• Why aren't you tweeting yet? Tweet Tweet Tweet